10 things you should know about fighting with Polynesians

10. Just avoid an angry Polynesian. Whoever told you “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” must not have fought one of us.

9. If you’re going to get into a yelling battle with a Polynesian, do yourself a favor and NEVER say the words “What are you going to do about it?” That’s just an open invitation for a Poly to throw a knuckle party at your face’s house.

8. Run. Run fast and run far.

7. Our women fight harder than the men. Don’t believe me? Fight one.

6. If you’re threatened with the phrase, “You had better get out of my face”, that’s a good indicator that we’re still in the right mind. By this I mean, we haven’t seen red just yet and we’re giving you a LAST chance to refer to #8 before you have no strength in your legs to do so.

5. Here’s a fun fact - while many workout and train in gyms, we were raised lifting things and breaking things twice our size as soon as we were able to hold our own heads as children.

4. Don’t make fun of how high our voices get when we’re heated and talking. That’s like slapping the devil in the face with a box of matches.

3. Being raised in a culture where respect is taught as being the main thing, DISrespect will NOT be tolerated. Things like, “Yo Mama!” is just bad to say and you can expect nothing but a fight. There’s no talking your way out of it. By the way, if our mother happens to be in proximity to that particular insult, we will respectfully move aside so that she can whoop your butt.

2. Fight fair. There’s a saying I grew up with in regards to Polynesians - “If you mess with coconut, you mess with the whole tree”. Polynesians have warrior blood, so if one of us sees another one of us getting jumped or in an unfair fight, we will jump in. And just so you know, you may not see us, but we’re always around. So if you’re going to fight one on one, then fight one on one. Thai people kick banana trees for training, but we punch coconut trees.

1. Watch the Rugby, American football and any other contact sport with Polynesians in it. That should be a fair reminder of what you can expect if you decide to go toe to toe with one of us.

This is a simple note to remind people - let’s just all get along! Give a joke, take a joke - but if you’re going to go toe to toe with a Poly, be prepared.